Grifters and Scammers Part 1: How to Spot Them

Unfortunately, any hobby community that involves the regular exchange of goods is likely to have its share of people trying to defraud fellow hobbyists. In my next two posts, I’ll evaluate the phenomenon and discuss ways to avoid falling victim to it.

What Do Grifters and Scammers Want?

The answer is simple: money or free stuff. It’s usually this. Sometimes they’re looking for attention or fame. Sometimes they want to deflect attention away from their bad behaviour. Occasionally, they want something that would be reasonable if they simply asked for it in a straightforward way; however, they don’t expect others to be reasonable because they are not reasonable themselves, so they construct a confusing, guilt-tripping narrative that’s only tangentially related to their real request in order to try to trick someone into giving them what they want. Most of the time, though, their goal is simply money and/or goods that belong to someone else.

The Techniques of Grifters and Scammers

Identity Obfuscation

• You think you’re dealing with Donna until Donna says, “Actually, I’m Madison. Donna is my mom and I’m using her account.” When someone claims to be using another person’s account – their mom’s, their roommate’s, a fellow hobbyist’s, etc. – it’s a red flag, particularly if they didn’t state this info up front or you suddenly find yourself talking to a different person.
• Beware of people who have multiple accounts, i.e. a personal account, a hobby account, and a business account, and who claim they need to message you from a baffling combination thereof. Of course, many people have different accounts for different purposes, but switching back and forth between them is a red flag.

Attempted Negotiation

Grifters and scammers commonly try to force negotiations. Here are some common examples:

• Your listing said “PayPal only” and they agreed to pay with PayPal but now they’re insisting on Venmo.
• Your listing said buyers must use Goods and Services but they are arguing that they need to use Friends and Family.
• They win your eBay auction, then message you to ask that you take down the listing and conduct a private sale instead.
• They agreed to buy an item but now they’re asking if you’re open to trades.
• They agreed to pay by [date] but they keep messaging you saying they need another extension.
• They agreed to pay in full but now they want a layaway. (Bonus: they still want you to ship the item immediately.)
• You agreed on a meetup time but now they have an appointment at that time and have to change it. And then they have to change the new time because their car broke down. And oops, the third time won’t work either because they’re actually out of town right now. 
• They said they wanted to buy X but now they want Y.

Gaslighting

This is a form of attempted negotiation but specifically one where they argue with you about what you said or did.

• They claim you told them you were open to [see list of examples above], even though you said no such thing.
• They call you a scammer because you sent Item X but not Items Y and Z, even though your listing clearly stated that Y and Z were not included.
• They accuse you – sometimes publicly – of behaviour they exhibited, like rudeness, poor communication, ghosting, trying to change the terms of the agreement, refusing to pay for something, etc.

Sob Stories

Sometimes bad things happen to people, of course, and many people overshare on the internet with no ulterior motive. However, grifters and scammers will often concoct sob stories as a way to garner sympathy and hopefully, money or free stuff. Sob stories:

• Can range from mild (“I had to spend my paycheque on car repair so I missed out on that doll I really wanted”) to apocalyptic (“My grandma died and then our house flooded and then my daughter was diagnosed with cancer and the only thing that will make her happy at this difficult time is a free doll”).
• Are shared publicly when a grifter is casting a wide net.
• Are shared privately, usually as justification for identity obfuscation or attempted negotiation, when a grifter or scammer is attempting to manipulate you specifically.

Why Are They Like This?

I believe that in most cases it’s because these people are extremely self-centred. When they want something, they feel that they deserve it no matter what, and it simply doesn’t occur to them that other people have desires and feelings too. At least one scammer admitted this in so many words: when called out by a target who caught on to what she was doing, she said she needed the money and felt that she needed it more than the people she cheated to get it.

As with any personality trait, people fall along a continuum. At the low end are flaky people who have every intention of honouring your contract; they’re just not very good at it. Being considerate of others and sticking to deadlines are hard for young brains, which is why it’s never a good idea to do business with kids! Some adults may also find this difficult. Decent people will be apologetic for inconveniencing you and try to make it right.

In the middle are the run-of-the-mill selfish people who aren’t actively trying to scam you but don’t really care if they’re being dishonest or wasting your time. These people might say “I know we agreed that I’d pay today but can I pay you next Friday instead?” and before you know it, a month has gone by. Or you wait at the meetup spot for 45 minutes and they never show, then message you hours later saying, “Oh, something came up, can we do 7 PM?”

On the high end of the spectrum are pro-level scammers. These people lurk on eBay and other sales sites with the intention of winning auctions they never intend to pay for. Their negotiation techniques are planned in advance and their explicit goal is cheating you out of money and/or goods.

The Nature of the Game

Grifters and scammers want free stuff and think they deserve it. But why do they use the techniques they use? Their goal is to confuse you, frustrate you, and make you feel guilty until you give them what they want in order to make them go away. Note that their tactics need not be subtle or plausible! They’re not necessarily trying to convince you of anything; they don’t care if you believe them or not. Instead, they’re trying to make such nuisances of themselves that you’ll do anything to get them to leave you alone.

Grifters and scammers count on their victims to feel awkward or mean setting boundaries or saying no, to avoid conflict, and to doubt themselves. If you’re aware of what grifters and scammers are doing and what they look for in a target, you’re less likely to fall victim to their scam. In my next post, I’ll talk about ways you can protect yourself from getting scammed and what to do if you get scammed.